I have been having trouble sleeping lately. My mind is racing with so many thoughts that it’s hard to “turn it off” as it were. I’m not in a groove yet. And I’ve removed all of my coping mechanisms. I am wildly uncomfortable.
And I asked for this.
Completely and totally.
I was texting my best friend in California last night (she’s three hours behind me) how I was just in so much DISCOMFORT. And how I wanted her hand to hold while I’m going through all of this.
And a voice from deep within said to me, “Stacy, this is what you asked for. And you’re getting it because you’re ready. Breathe and be and learn.”
As a woman who in the last 14 months has come to terms with three addictions (food, relationships, and spending…with surfing the internet quickly demonstrating itself as the fourth), I’m extremely committed to not only healing myself and making myself the most effective woman I can be about all that I’m standing for in the world, I’m also here to misspell the myth that addictions are a bad thing. Yes, some debilitate more than others. Some have more legal consequences than others. But every person on the planet has some form of addiction and it took me an extra two or three years to admit to myself that I had a food addiction because I was so hung up on the word “addiction” and all the meaning around that “identity” that I couldn’t even entertain the notion that I, Stacy Moscotti, was an actual addict in some way.
Even right now, my inner voice is screaming “DON’T WRITE THAT SENTENCE ‘I, Stacy Moscotti, was an actual addict in some way.’ – DO YOU WANT GOOGLE TO KNOW THAT ABOUT YOU????” See? Even still, there is some lingering I CAN’T BE AN ADDICT BECAUSE WHAT WILL PEOPLE SAY ABOUT ME? thing going on.
Some more common and lesser identified addictions are:
- Addiction to disappointment
- Addiction to struggle
- Addiction to being right
To me, an addiction is anything you do to avoid feeling and healing the pain of your past or perceived pain of your present or future.
So I’m getting real about healing myself. And I want you to get real about healing yourself.
We are a broken world that for the most part, doesn’t know how to heal itself. With my time on earth, I’m committed to transforming that.
I say all this to get to this point: Back in January, I spoke into existence my dedication that 2016 would be my Year of Discomfort.
A long time ago, I saw the image at the top of this post, distinguishing the comfort zone and where the magic happens.
And after a couple years of struggling, and becoming aware, and healing, I was finally to break out of my comfort zone. Shatter it if you will.
And as I lay in bed last night, I realized, this is what sobriety to me looks like.
No “naughty” food to numb the pain. No relationship to distract me from focusing on me instead of him. No credit card purchased to take the edge off. And now no surfing the internet to distract me too.
Ugh. I’m sober. And in so much discomfort.
Awareness is awesome. And it’s also causes responsibility and accountability.
And it’s WILDLY UNCOMFORTABLE.
I’ve catapulted myself outside the comfort zone. I asked for this. It’s time to get to work and stretch that comfort zone so wide there will be very little that makes me uncomfortable in 2017 and beyond.
It’s not fun. But it’s effective, which is what I’m committed to.
This is where the magic happens.